BANANAS DON'T FLOAT

An open letter to the guy at the end of Life of Pi who said he didn't buy the story because bananas don't float

What's your problem, what are you doing, is this fun for you?
Do you ruin every story where a monkey rides a fruit?
Is it hard to listen when you already know everything
Or is finding one plot-hole super interesting?
Hey did you study fruit buoyancy in acting school?
Or have you caught lots of title characters lying to you?
If I was pi I simply would have asked you to leave
In fact can I'll clear this set now of anyone who can't believe
that an orangutan adrift at sea with half a will to live
could outsmart a guy with 2 lines in a hollywood film.

hey maybe it depends on the ripeness of the bananas, or the saltiness of the water. How heavy is an orangutan?

But it wasn't up to me so you weren't edited out
and I guess your character's not supposed to give benefits of the doubt
but here's this super neat story with all this cool stuff in it
and you shut down your imagination in the first 10 minutes?
Did you bring a clipboard so you could write down your comments?
Does it just say bananas and there's nothing else on it?
I pose a serious question to the men and women of Earth:
Is this world a better place if we listen to fruit density experts?
I didn't think so, so shut up & listen to Pi
maybe you'll learn something they don't teach at Naysayer High

Bananas don't float

Hey what if there was something that floats under the bananas?
Or what if there were buoys on the net that held the bananas?
Or what if the monkey was just holding lots of bananas
and swimming really good despite the weight of the bananas?
what if the air from the sinking ship fired out bananas
and launched a big rocket to the sky made of bananas
and it turns out there's a monkey hiding in the bananas
and he gets to the lifeboat before the actual sinking of the bananas?

My research tells me you're in a Joe's Crab shack commercial
Did you discredit that as well or was it pretty incontrovertible?
I see you've since played a Lawyer on an episode of 30 rock
so maybe the insurance agent role was to pay your student loans off?
But I think you need to head back to school f or your next part
And study how nobody cares how smart you are
you see anything can float if you accept the 'bigger truths'
which are so big that they don't even actually need to be true
So i'll put my money on Pi and you can sink with your food
good luck finding lots of parts with your rotten attitude.

I've had it with that guy from the Life of Pi
I'm tired of these bit player skeptics ruining all my movies.