I woke up on a new planet
where opinions of beauty have a lower standard
and as a result i'm considered quite handsome
& so now I’m a model, famous rich & pampered
but also this planet has some problems for me
compared to the Earth there's barely any gravity
& these big winds coming from the Zordack sea
that threaten to blow me away disastrously
so my people make sure I’m tethered to the couch
I can't dance or swim or jump up off the ground
& I travel around in this big old pouch
& in all of my photos I’m getting blown around
it's pretty silly but I guess it's my gimmick
my manager says people dig it
but I kinda hope this isn't just a temporary living
I need place to stay where
it's sealed against outside air
& there's reenforced walls with
safety nets hung everywhere
so it's not quite a sure fit
& I’m not sure it's worth it
but everywhere I go people tell me i'm perfect
I’m a handsome boy
he’s a handsome boy
hey girl I see you look at me from across the room
I can tell you'd like some private time just me & you
I can tell you'd like to go somewhere with more of a mood
so I gotta warn you that's not easy to do
if I stand up I’ll probably float into space
or worse catch a draft & paint the wall with my face
so let's just see if we're on a wavelength
even 1 night stands are a commitment with me
& by the way you are significantly stronger than me
I can barely lift a glass of what you guys think is whisky
& if I make you laugh try not laugh right at me
cuz you might break a rib or loosen some of my teeth
but I got a pool at my place
& a 24 hour buffet
& if you're super good I might just let you touch my hot face
I’m a handsome boy
if you're a handsome boy put your hands in the air
if you're a handsome boy unlock the chains on your chair
if you're a handsome boy execute a stomp and a flip
if you're a handsome boy levitate for 2 and a half minutes
if you're a handsome boy give me a yeah with some feeling
if you're a handsome boy take seven steps on the ceiling
if you're a handsome boy don't age at all for 20 years
if you're a handsome boy get drunk on 1 & half beers
if you're a handsome boy perceive even slight fluctuations in the strength and locations of the planet's magnetized poles… I can't describe it I just know
I’m a handsome boy
credits
from I'm Done,
released April 21, 2017
written, recorded, produced, performed & mastered by Howell Dawdy
additional drums by Mark Guidry
additional vocals by Franny Powers
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